During the holiday season, many of us visit or are visited by our aging parents or relatives—often for the first time in months. Having awareness about specific changes in older adults that might be cause for concern is knowledge that can benefit all involved.
This year, when gathering with your family for Chanukah or other special occasions, it might be wise to spend time being extra observant of your older loved ones. For example, are there any changes you notice that indicate they could be struggling? Has Mom lost weight? Is Dad not getting around as well as he used to? Is a loved one exhibiting tremors you’ve not noticed before? These common but frequently overlooked signs can be indicators that your aging loved one might be struggling to maintain their independence.
Older loved ones don’t typically recognize that they need help when doing some of the basic things that used to come easy to them—and when they do, they tend to find it difficult to ask for such help.
This is why it is critical to be aware of how well (or not)
older relatives are aging—and to be informed about when and how to offer support and intervene, if necessary.
Some common warning signs, which can be recognized through physical appearance and behavioral changes, include:
• Changes in weight
• Unexplained bruising or other injuries
• Forgetfulness and/or confusion
• Poor mobility or an altered walking style
• Problems hearing or difficulty participating in conversations
• An unkempt appearance or poor hygiene
• Changes in mood or sluggish/depressed behavior
• Tremors, a softer voice, or other early signs of Parkinson’s Disease
Older loved ones don’t typically recognize that they need help when doing some of the basic things that used to come easy to them—and when they do, they tend to find it difficult to ask for such help.
If you notice that an aging relative has one or more of these warning signs, it is important for you to address the situation—especially if you are worried about their safety. You will generally be able to make a better evaluation by visiting the home of your loved one to look for signs of inadequate or dangerous living conditions, such as:
• A refrigerator that contains spoiled food or is understocked
• Stacks of unpaid bills
• New or unexplained car dents
• A messy or unclean house
• Obvious dangers (nonworking smoke alarms, prescription drugs in disarray)
• Concerns voiced by neighbors
If you come across one or more of these red flags, be sure to talk with others in your family and share your concerns. Find out if they have noticed any subtle or significant changes, and be sure to listen carefully to what they have to say; every detail could be significant. It is important for all interested parties to work together to ensure that senior adults remain as safe and well taken care of as possible.
If you ultimately conclude that it is time to discuss things with your aging loved one(s), try to show sensitivity in your approach. Be prepared to give concrete examples of why you are voicing concerns. Let them know that they will continue to control their own lives, and that you are merely trying to increase the likelihood that they will remain safe and independent for as long as possible.
If there is an opportunity to discuss the situation with your relative’s primary care physician, that is always ideal. Of course, permission to do so must be granted by your relative, but in most cases these arrangements have already been made. If not, work towards this goal. Ideally, the aging relative and involved family member would both be present to discuss any issues with the doctor. Physicians can lend credibility and weight to your concerns, when valid, but they can also determine if observed changes are attributable to simpler medical conditions that can be addressed first.
Take all the necessary time to help them reach decisions they can be comfortable with. And gently, but steadily, steer them to any services they agree could benefit them. Finally, leverage the research, resources, and knowledge you’ve gathered throughout this process to guide them toward living a better and safer life.
Determining if someone you care about may be quietly struggling beneath the surface can be a challenge, but for the sake of your aging loved ones, it is a challenge well worth the effort.
Having confidence that your loved ones are properly cared for gives the whole family peace of mind. During this festive season of Chanukah, please take the time to talk with, and closely observe, your aging relatives. Ask questions that will give you honest insights into the reality they are living. Listen to what they have to say, and be extra vigilant for new developments.
Determining if someone you care about may be quietly struggling beneath the surface can be a challenge, but for the sake of your aging loved ones, it is a challenge well worth the effort. If you notice some of these changes in your loved ones, and aren’t sure what to do next, consider contacting the high quality care team at AgeWell Cincinnati. The experts at AgeWell Cincinnati can connect you to 62 services and 7 categories—through 1 number: 513-766-3333